WALLY WOMBAT & THE CHEERLEADERS

WALLY WOMBAT & THE CHEERLEADERS
The high spirited Hoboken Wombat mascot is well love d and respected across the country. "Wally" has been charming fans for years. With his support the Wombats are sure to make a run at the NFL championship! Wally travels with the squad all year round. At home games he leads the team out of the locker room o n to the field. In his spare time he works with charities and promotes joy to youngsters and people of all ages. Kids today need role models Wally is that type of Wombat. Many of the Hoboken players say that they would love to win one for Wally. The heart of a champion, Wally is there win or lose. In the offseason Wally attends Duquesne University where he is studying animal husbandry, He also has honorary degrees at St. Mary's Of The Worthless miracle, and St. Copius of Northern Nebraska. Wally is a WINNE R!!!

The Wombat cheerleaders otherwise known as "Wombatties" travel with the team all year round too. Not only do the "Wombatties" cheer on the Hobokeners to victory they are available for many functions inclu ding charity work. Contact the Wombat home office in Sparta, New Jersey for more details. They are a very talented group with unique backgrounds. As the "Wombatties" would say...GO WOMBAT GO!!!!

Toodles, my name is Fluffy. I am the Wombattie fashion consultant. My job is to keep our girls looking pretty like me. If you look me up in the dictionary, I am under breathtaking. As with all fashion people I must go. I have a nail appointment and then it is time for Fluffy to get his hair highlited. Then I will go home to my beautiful wife...What were you thinking? I'm not a switch hitter. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Wait one second before I go....my face is a masterpiece. Really it is time to go. I love myself and eggsalad.

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Name: Connie Lingus
Occupation: Driftwood Sculpter
Dance Background: Walking In Circles
College: College For The Studies Of Deerflies
Hobbies: Going To Bullfights On Acid
Favorite Food: Boiles Ant Intestines
Favorite Movie: Platoon - it was funny!
Influence In Life: P Diddy
Quote: "Go Hoboken, I love the sport of football...hit a home run guys"

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Name: Pat McKrotcsh
Occupation: World Famous Belcher
Dance Background: What, I have to dance?
College: Please, I hate studying, it's like sucks
Hobbies: Hairwashing
Favorite Food: The Wendy's #6 - whatever that is
Favorite Movie: Ishtar
Influence In Life: Douglas Dildo - He's Dreamy
Quote: "Save the Emu and the Mongolian Wild Ass"

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Name: Mary Katherine Gallagher
Occupation: Superstar
Dance Background: Jumps around, usually breaking things
College: Why do you ask me that? I study acting, damnit!
Hobbies: Puts her hands underneath her armpits, and then smells her hands
Favorite Food: None of your business
Favorite Movie: So many it's scary
Influence In Life: Sally Field..."You like me"
Quote: "What's it to you, collar"

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Name: Zippy Underpants
Occupation: Lint Removal
Dance Background: Hates Dancing, Loves Poodles
College: College is for suckers, High School for eight years is enough for me
Hobbies: Counting
Favorite Food: Food is bad for you, just like syphillis
Favorite Movie: Kangaroo Jack
Influence In Life: My Pet Rock & Lint
Quote: "Hey, just because I have a gas problem doesn't make me evil"

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Name:Soy Bomb
Occupation:Breakdancing to Bob Dylan
Dance Background: Dances at Tea Parties on tables while farting
College: The College of Free Spirit and Beauty School for the Visually Impaired
Hobbies: Eating products with soy (of course) except Soy Kangaroo Parts
Favorite Food: I hate cheese, but I like Buffalo Hoofs
Favorite Movie: Tootsie
Influence In Life: Books about Face Painting and Body Lice
Quote: "I am NOT a cheerleader, I prefer to be called your SOY LEADER"

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Name: Fannie Fitzintite
Occupation: Homemade Rubber Band Maker
Dance Background: Ballet School For Overly Aggressive Mindreaders
College: Boston Pre-Pre-College For Students Who Want To Go, But Not Really
Hobbies: Bikini Waxing
Favorite Food: Bread That Is Moldy
Favorite Movie: Bang Me In Bangor Maine
Influence In Life: Anna Nicole Smith - She's So Smart
Quote: "I am a rooster, shave me"

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Name: Sarah Spitz
Occupation: Brick Layer/Egg Consultant/Future Lawyer?
Dance Background: Opened Spitz Dancing School for adults (ages 95 and over only)
College: St. Mary's Of The Worthless Miracle
Hobbies: Knife Tossing with friends
Favorite Food: Fried Llama
Favorite Movie: Gigli - It was great, just like getting laid
Influence In Life: J. Lo's Buttcheeks
Quote: "Help me, keep me away from my invisible demons"

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Name: Bouncy Bubbles
Occupation: Brain Surgeon/Pool Player
Dance Background: Got Drunk at a bar and danced on a table
College: Let's Get Realistic Here - 3rd Grade
Hobbies: Watching Jerry Springer & Farting
Favorite Food: Anything That Moves
Favorite Movie: Glitter and Showgirls
Influence In Life: The Cast Of Saved By The Bell & Willie Aames
Quote: "Life can be short so don't shoot yourself and eat gouda cheese"

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Name: Anita Aswipee
Occupation:Dreamer
Dance Background:Rolling Around In Mud
College: Los Angeles School of Optometery
Hobbies: Landscaping/Historian
Favorite Food: Pork Rinds, Shasta and Pop Rocks
Favorite Movie: Anything with Victor Borge
Influence In Life: Blue Man Group/Tuvac
Quote: "When you have to go poop don't hold it in"

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Name: Tickles Pussifot
Occupation:Freemasonry
Dance Background:Krumping
College: Royal (Dick) School of Veterinary Studies
Hobbies: Enjoying Being Self-Destructive
Favorite Food: Mule Testes
Favorite Movie: The Hottie And The Nottie (Paris Hilton)
Influence In Life: Kim Kardashian's Behind
Quote: "The only thing that counts is numbers"

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Name: Tippi Tatas
Occupation: Mime
Dance Background: Likes to Dance while shoveling snow
College: Who needs it, when you smell.
Hobbies: Blowing Bubbles while playing the Harp
Favorite Food: Ox
Favorite Movie: Anything with our President - Martin Sheen
Influence In Life: My Goat - Jipudi
Comments: "The Astrodome is in your mind"

Frequently Asked Questions:

Question: What does it take to become a Wombattie?
Answer:

Enthusiasm and energy
Showmanship and poise
Physical fitness
Crappy dance technique
Dedication

Question: Is being a Hoboken Wombats cheerleader a full-time job?
Answer: No. Wombatties work part-time for the Wombats. Most squad members work other full-time jobs, attend college or reside in Rahway State prison. Being a stay-at-home mom is considered a full-time job & soaking yourself in lamp oil.

Question: Do I have to relocate to the New Jersey area if selected as a Wombattie?
Answer: No. Please, the Garden State has too many people in it already, in fact we encourage auditioners to be out of state.

Question: Are there any height and weight requirements?
Answer: We would like cheerleaders to be 7 foot tall, Remember Cheering on the field for more than three straight hours wearing a furry wombat outfit is very physically demanding, so cheerleaders should be physically fit unless th ey don't want to be. We support drinking alcohol and cigar smoking during the audition

Question: Are there any age requirements?
Answer: Contestants must be at least 21 years old and a high school graduate or a drifter is acceptable. There is no maximum age limit. The current squad ranges in age from 21 to 87.

Question: How should I wear my make-up and hair?
Answer: Wear make-up in colors that flatter your skin tone. A natural but oily-polished trampy look is recommended. Wear a hairstyle that complements your features and makes you look like a prostitute.

Question: What type of audition attire is recommended?
Answer: Wear an audition outfit that cuts off your circulation. There is not a preferred color or style outfit except anything that looks clown-like.

Question: Is the audition class mandatory?
Answer: The audition class is not mandatory but provides excellent preparation for the audition. Who are we kidding - just jump around like a kangaroo and you'll make the squad.

Question: Is there a cost to audition?
Answer: While there IS a cost associated with the March 15 audition clinic, there is no fee to audition for the squad on March 29. The only cost is when you don't make the squad and will be humiliated by our judges and your family

Question: If I make the squad, what type of time commitment is required?
Answer: Every minute of your life should be dedicated to Wombats Cheerleading but realistically From April through the end of the Wombat season, which is usually December because the Wombats don't often make the playoffs... the Wombatties rehearse twice weekly, Wednesday evenings for twelve hours and during the day Saturdays for sixteen hours. The Wombatties cheer at all Wombat home and road games. They also make corporate and charity appearances throughout the course of their one-year contract like Hooters, Frank's Chicken House & Waldenbooks.

If you have additional questions, please contact Genny Italherpes at 800-555-BATS

The Wombats Dance Team is a pure delight. They entertain at all events! This includes Bullfights, Belching and Fencing tournaments. Contact Zaroob Poopantz for details!

"Tippi Tatas" in her new video. Something looks different about her. Maybe it is her personalities.